Hey Orty,
Got a problem. My wife and I have been married for many years and things are great. I just have one issue with her that bugs the tar out of me. Whenever I’m in the bathroom, I consider it to be a solitary function. Just me and my dirty business. Whether it is stand up or sit down; it is door shut and fan on for this kid. My wife, however, thinks that we have an open door policy when it comes to the water closet. I can be in there knocking one out and she will come barging in to tell me something, brush her teeth, or some other thing that can easily wait. What I really hate though is when I’m in there flossing or whatever, and she’ll come barreling in to have a sit down of her own. When I complain, she tells me that I’m being uptight and that we’ve been together so long it shouldn’t be a big deal anymore. But I can’t help it. It really bugs me, especially since we have other bathrooms. Who’s right here Orty?
J. Growler – Tea

Growly,
You are. No debate. Being married and living together for a long time does create familiarity and a certain comfort level between you and your lady. In many ways, this can be a good thing. This, however, is not one of them. Relationships naturally lose a little sizzle over time. Over the years you’ve seen each other at your respective worsts, and yet you still want to make it with each other occasionally. That’s the definition of love, baby. But there are lines that shouldn’t be crossed. As soon as it’s okay for your lovely bride to drop the kids off at the pool in your presence, the magic is officially gone and gone forever. It’s all Granny panties and flannel nightgowns from there, my friend. This, of course, is unacceptable. Tell the missus you need your potty space and she, in turn, needs hers. Make it clear that to keep the fire burning she’s gonna have to do more than light the occasional courtesy candle.

Orty,
This is a heavy topic, but I need an answer. I see that there are all these places for women and children to go when there is domestic abuse in their home. How come there are no places for men in these situations to go?
M. Merkerson – Sioux Falls

Merkantile,
There is a place for men to go who get involved in domestic abuse. It is called prison. Please make a note of it.

Mr. Orty,
My son Billy is in middle school and he’s not doing very well. His teacher called the other day and told me that Billy was getting held back (again) and would have to repeat the 7th grade. I feel so bad. I don’t know how to tell Billy he didn’t make it. Do you have any advice?
S. Drawber - Beresford

Quick-Draw,
That is sad, and at moments like that, words are tough to come by. My only advice is that whatever you tell young Billy, tell it to him real slow, because that poor kid is dumber than dirt.