SMALL WORLD
Two guys are trying to get in a quick eighteen holes, but there are two terrible lady golfers in front of them hitting the ball everywhere but where it’s supposed to go.
The first guy says, “Why don’t you go over and ask if we can play through?” The second guy gets about halfway there, turns and comes back. The first guy says, “What’s wrong?”
He says, “One of them is my wife, and the other is my mistress.”
The first guy says, “That could be a problem. I’ll go over.” He gets about halfway there and he turns and comes back, too.
The second guy says, “What’s wrong?”
The first guy says, “Small world!”

THE FOURSOME
Four men were out golfing. “These hills are getting steeper as the years go by,” one complained.
“The sand traps seem to be bigger than I remember them too,” said the third senior.
After hearing enough from his senior buddies, the oldest and the wisest of the four of them at 87 years old, piped up and said, “Just be thankful we’re still on the right side of the grass!”

Q: Why does a golfer wear 2 pairs of pants?
A: In case he gets a hole in one.

RESPECT
Mike, an avid golfer, was teeing up for a very difficult shot. At that moment a funeral procession went by. Mike stopped, stood still with his hat over his heart, and bowed his head. His golfing partner looked at him and said, “Mike, that was kind and decent of you to show such respect for the dead.”
Mike replied, “Yes, we would have been married twenty-six years come tomorrow.”

BAD TEE TIME
Bill, an avid golfer, contacts a “Medium” and asks if there is a golf course in Heaven. The Medium says that his request is a big order, but he will try and find out and get back to Bill in a few days.
After several days go by, Bill finally gets a call from the Medium. “Well,” said Bill, “what did ya find out?”
“I’ve got good news and bad news for you,” said the Medium.
“OK,” “what’s the good news?” Bill asked.
“Well,” there is a beautiful 36 hole golf course in Heaven, and you’ll have 24 hour access with your own personal caddy,” blurted out the Medium.
“And the bad news?” asked Bill.
“You’re due to tee-off this Sunday at around 10:30 in the morning.”

NEWBY
A retiree was given a set of golf clubs by his co-workers. Thinking he’d try the game, he asked the local pro for lessons, explaining that he knew nothing whatsoever of the game.
The pro showed him the stance and swing, then said, “Just hit the ball toward the flag on the first green.”
The novice teed up and smacked the ball straight down the fairway and onto the green, where it stopped inches from the hole.
“Now what?” the fellow asked the speechless pro.
“Uh… you’re supposed to hit the ball into the cup,” the pro finally said, after he was able to speak again.
“Oh great! Now you tell me,” said the beginner in a disgusted tone.

PERFECT
A guy stood over his tee shot for what seemed an eternity; looking up, looking down, measuring the distance, figuring the wind direction and speed. Driving his partner nuts. Finally his exasperated partner says, “What’s taking so long? Hit the blasted ball!”
The guy answers, “My wife is up there watching me from the clubhouse. I want to make this a perfect shot.”
“Forget it, man! You don’t stand a chance of hitting her from here!”

WRONG PLACE
It was a sunny Saturday morning on the course and Ben was beginning his pre-shot routine, visualizing his upcoming shot, when a voice came over the clubhouse loudspeaker.
“Would the gentleman on the woman’s tee back up to the men’s tee please!!”
Still deep in his routine, seemingly impervious to the interruption, he gets ready to hit.
Again the announcement, “Would the MAN on the WOMEN’S tee kindly back up to the men’s tee!”
Ben simply ignored the guy and kept concentrating, when once more, the man yelled: “Would the man on the woman’s tee back up to the men’s tee, PLEASE!
Ben finally stopped, turned, looked through the clubhouse window directly at the person with the mic and shouted back, “Would the person in the clubhouse kindly shut up and let me play my second shot?”