I never gave much thought to the month of June. With the exception of Flag Day and Father’s Day, along with the daily slash of the Sharpie that brings me closer to July, it’s a month that is normally overlooked on my calendar. It’s sort of the Jan Brady of the post-Winter months, and she is green with envy. “Everyone’s always talking about March-a, March-a, March-a!” Let’s face it. March is exciting. To coin a phrase by Dick Vitale, “It’s ‘March Madness,’ baby!”

After a long, cold winter here in the Midwest, we’re all slowly coming out of hibernation. And, if you’re so inclined, in the month of March you can even symbolically paint yourself green from head to toe and parade half-naked down Phillips Avenue with absolutely no repercussions whatsoever. As a matter of fact, the city will even extend a police escort and prohibit other traffic from impeding your route, as you evoke a smattering of applause from the other jolly green onlookers, many whom have played hooky from work just to gather on that special day. Try pulling that stunt on your average Thursday afternoon, and chances are you’ll receive glaring looks of disapproval from nearly everyone downtown, not to mention a police escort of another sort.

Speaking of body painting, I refer again to the trademarked phrase “March Madness,” at the risk of spending Prime Magazine’s entire budget for the year, should the over-litigious owners of said phrase decide to pursue legal actions. A simple “cease and desist” order would suffice, at which point I would respectfully agree to never utter that phrase again.Until then, “March Madness, March Madness, March Madness!”

If that weren’t enough to solidify March as the best month of 2008 to date, there is one other day in particular when you can proudly ingest more hard-boiled eggs than Cool Hand Luke and not feel the least bit guilty, despite the fact that you have just doubled your cholesterol count. “What can I say, Doc? I did it for the children.”

April showers came our way. This year however, they brought snow showers that bloomed in May, thus canceling golf tournaments and causing grown men to pout and whimper as the red-red robin went bob-bob bobbin’ along while contemplating in the voice of Jackie Mason, “What, I left my timeshare in Florida for this?” Just for that, April and May can go stand in the corner with my dusty, busted 8 iron until next year.

With every little setback, there is also a chance for redemption, and opportunity. That’s right, June. This is your moment to shine as the conditional and temporary one-year gateway to summer, on the condition that you don’t disappoint us like your older sisters April and May. Keep in mind that your exemption card can be pulled at any time. That’s a lot of pressure to put on one month. Hopefully, June is up to the challenge. So, answer me this. Are you ready for summer? I know I am.

“Wind Chill Factor Minus Zero” The Boomtown Rats
“Basketball Jones” Cheech & Chong
“The Irish Rover” The Clancy Brothers
“Don’t Rain on My Parade” Bobby Darin
“April Come She Will” Simon & Garfunkel (June, she’ll change her tune)
“Your Little Sister” Paul Kelly & the Messengers
“Season’s Cycle” XTC
“Are You Ready For the Summer” Theme from “Meatballs”