HELLUVA PITCHER
A little boy was overheard talking to himself as he strutted through the backyard, wearing his baseball cap and toting a ball and bat…
“I’m the greatest hitter in the world,” he announced.
Then, he tossed the ball into the air, swung at it, and missed.
“Strike One!” he yelled. Undaunted, he picked up the ball and said again,
“I’m the greatest hitter in the world!”
He tossed the ball into the air. When it came down he swung again and missed.
“Strike Two!” he cried.
The boy then paused a moment to examine his bat and ball carefully.
He spit on his hands and rubbed them together. He straightened his cap and said once more,
“I’m the greatest hitter in the world!”
Again he tossed the ball up in the air and swung at it. He missed.
“Strike Three!”
“Wow!” he exclaimed. “I must be the greatest pitcher in the world.

WALK WITH PRIDE
A recent Scottish immigrant attends his first baseball game in his new country and after a base hit he hears the fans roaring run….run! The next batter connects heavily with the ball and the Scotsman stands up and roars with the crowd in his thick accent: “R-r-run ya bahstard, r-run will ya!” A third batter slams a hit and again the Scotsman, obviously pleased with his knowledge of the game, screams “R-r-run ya bahstard, r-r-run will ya!” The next batter held his swing at three and two and as the ump calls a walk the Scotsman stands up yelling “R-r-run ya bahstard, r-r-run!” All the surrounding fans giggle quietly and he sits down confused.
A friendly fan, sensing his embarrassment whisper, “He doesn’t have to run, he’s got four balls.”
After this explanation the Scotsman stands up in disbelief and screams, “Walk with pr-r-ride man!”

REDNECK JOKE
Emily Sue passed away and Bubba called 911. The 911 operator told Bubba that she would send someone out right away. “Where do you live?” asked the operator.
Bubba replied, “At the end of Eucalyptus Drive.”
The operator asked, “Can you spell that for me?

“There was a long pause and finally Bubba said, “How ‘bout if I drag her over to Oak Street and you pick her up there?”

REDNECK JOKE #2
A girl from the South and a girl from the North were seated side by side on a plane. The girl from the South, being friendly and all, said, “So, where ya’ll from?” The Northern girl said, “From a place where they know better than to use a preposition at the end of a sentence.”

The girl from the South sat quietly for a few moments and then replied, “So, where ya’ll from, bitch?”

Q: How do you know when you’re staying in a redneck hotel?
A: When you call the front desk and say “I’ve gotta leak in my sink” and the person at the front desk says “go ahead.”

Q: How can you tell if a redneck is married?
A: There are tobacco spit stains on both sides of his pickup truck.

Q: What is a redneck’s defense in court?
A: “Honest your Honor, I was just helping the sheep over the fence.”

Q: What do rednecks call “Hee Haw”?
A: A documentary.

Q: How many rednecks does it take eat a ‘possum?
A: Two. One to eat, and one to watch for cars.

Q: Why did God invent armadillos?
A: So that rednecks can have ‘possum on the half shell.